Muggle Markers
by angelgaybriel
Summary: What happens when Professor Snape finds a package of Expo Markers? This is one of those fanfictions that are complete, utter jokes.


Hello, dear readers! This fanfiction was upon request during English class (hi Claudia). We came up with this on our own just for a laugh, and we found this quite funny.

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One day in Diagon Alley, Severus Snape was walking through a shop looking for more quills and ink, having run out over the weekend. He wandered the aisles, looking for his favorite type of quill. Just as he was about to turn down another aisle, he looked to his left. In that moment, his heart was pierced by the intensity and the ferocity that was presented within the markers that were before him. He hadn't seen these before in a wizard shop, and had seen them before over the summer in muggle shops.

Expo markers.

Severus Snape picked up the package of markers, and read the labels on it. They weren't expensive, but he was entranced by the vibrant colors. He held a package of 16 markers, and was debating whether he should get them or not. He chose to get them, and brought them to the cashier for him to ring up. After leaving the shop, he apparated to the front gates of Hogwarts, and entered the property. He went straight to his office, and got out a sheet of parchment.

Snape opened the pack of markers, and began testing them on the parchment. He loved how the ink flowed easily, making a vivid streak. Although the label called it 'low odor' Snape could still smell the odd but alluring scent of the markers. He put the caps back onto them securely, determined to _not_ be one of those people who sniff markers, glue, and the like. Snape then did what he was sure almost every muggle child tried to accomplish: connect the caps and make a tower out of them. He connected the markers, and he successfully made a tower. He set it down on the table, and proceeded to turn the lights down low. He brought candles over to the table, set them down, and lit them with a flick of his wand. With another flourish, the table was set, and he sat down.

After a while of talking to himself, there was a knock on his door. Before he could get up and answer it, Draco Malfoy entered.

"Prof-..." Draco stared at the display before him, unable to gather words.

"I can...explain..." Snape said uneasily, glancing between Draco and the markers.

"What are those?" Draco asked, going over to the marker tower.

"Those are Expo brand markers. They're basically thicker quills with the ink already inside."

"Why are they connected into a tower?" He asked, going to poke it. Snape hit his hand down.

"Because...-" Before he could finish speaking, there was another knock, and once more, before either person could answer, Hermione Granger burst in.

"Sorry to intrude...Professor...?" Hermione said, walking in slowly, and looking at the markers. "Why do you have muggle markers stacked into a tower?"

"It's because...I...um...well..." Snape tried to explain, but was unable to.

"I find it cool. Did you use magic or did you do it by hand?" Hermione asked, gazing at the tower.

"I did it by hand, Miss Granger."

"Amazing! I've tried with different markers and they've never worked. Your tower is perfect!" Hermione said excitedly.

"Both of you, go," Snape said, slightly aggravated. He just wanted to be alone with his colorful, low odor dry erase markers.

"Why?" Draco asked, about to touch the tower again. Snape hit his hand away, and handed Draco an apple from the bowl on the table.

"Just take this and leave my marker tower alone, okay?" He said, and Draco backed up slightly. Him and that apple would go far in life, Draco decided. Hermione, meanwhile, was still confused. Why was her potions professor, who could fool anyone into thinking he could kill them, obsessed by these muggle markers? She watched as Snape ushered Draco out, and he strode over to her to do the same.

Next thing Hermione knew, she took the place of the markers and was sitting across from her potions professor, discussing miscellaneous muggle items. Over the past hour, Snape and Hermione had formed a slight bond. It was odd, she thought, because he had seemed so infatuated with his _markers,_ but now it seemed he had moved on from that. At least, Hermione hoped so.

She was incorrect.

Severus Snape glanced at the markers strewn across the floor, slightly bothered by the fact that they were no longer in the tower formation that they were in previously.

"Miss Granger...I know you may think it odd, but I now know where my true loyalties lie," He said, and got up from his chair. He scooped up all the markers, put them into a crate carefully, and left the main room and went into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

"But...they're _markers!_ " Hermione said under her breath. She got up from the chair and left, having a very entertaining story to tell Harry and Ron. She now knew that her teacher was pretty much in love with Expo Markers.

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In case you didn't see the top, this was a joke. My friend and I came up with this in English class last week when I was trying to find an idea for fanfiction. She actually said, "The ship should be Snape...and an expo marker" and we came up with half this plot together (sort of) and I put together the rest. I found it funny, I don't know. I don't know if the rest of you would find it funny, I just have this here for mine and her enjoyment. -Veronica


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